Make Your Child’s Day

“Back to school” is coming, and it isn’t optional. Happily, you can help your youngster develop a routine that works.

The poolside afternoons, the late nights and the morning sleep-ins kids love the freedom of summer vacation, and they’re loath to give it up. But it doesn’t last forever, and the resumption of school means a return to a more structured way of living. How your child adapts to a new daily routine in September helps set the pattern for the whole school year. That’s why BERGEN checked in recently with Zeynep Ozinci, M.D., a board-certified child psychiatrist and the clinical director at Pearl Psychiatry and Therapy Center in Ridgewood.

“Most people think routines organize a child’s day,” says Dr. Ozinci. “In reality, routines organize a child’s nervous system. When school begins, children aren’t simply returning to classes; they’re re-entering a world filled with new teachers, social hierarchies, academic demands and constant sensory input. A predictable routine acts like an external nervous system.”

Suggestions for helping kids develop a day that works? The doctor offers a half-dozen:

• Start slow. “One of the biggest mistakes families make,” says Dr. Ozinci, “is expecting a child’s brain to switch from summer mode to school mode in a single weekend. We wouldn’t expect someone to go from lying on a couch to running a marathon overnight, yet we ask children to perform the psychological equivalent.” In general, the brain prefers gradual transitions—sudden change feels like uncertainty, and we tend to process that as a threat rather than an inconvenience. Says Dr. Ozinci: “I often recommend a ‘two-week shift’ as the summer ends. About 14 days before school starts, gradually move wake-up times, bedtimes and meals forward in small increments.”

Another strategic move: “I encourage families to create ‘practice mornings’ before school starts,” she says. “Have children wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast and leave the house at school time at least a few days before classes begin. Familiarity reduces anxiety, and the goal is to make the first day feel familiar before it ever arrives.”

• Be selective. “If a schedule contains 20 precisely timed steps, it is probably designed to fail,” Dr. Ozinci says. Rather than planning out every second of everyday, she recommends focusing on keeping three “anchor points” consistent: the morning “launch” period (wake-up times, breakfast and time spent on hygiene such as showering), the post-school decompression period (opt for a healthy snack and some kind of non-screen-based playtime or activity before starting homework) and the evening wind-down. (Here, once again, avoiding screens is key; reading, audiobooks or listening to calm music are all good options.) Keeping the times of these anchor points consistent will do a lot, says our expert. “Children don’t need every minute planned; they need reliable points they can count on.”

If kids are struggling to stick to these schedules, she advises, “make abstract concepts like time visible. Younger children often do best with photo checklists or visual schedules they can physically complete, while adolescents typically respond better to shared digital calendars and other systems that foster independence. And give children ownership of the process. A schedule imposed feels like a restriction, while a schedule co-created feels like a plan. Let them help design breakfast menus, organize outfits for the week or choose after-school routines.”

• Get those Zs. Sleep is vital for everyone, but it’s particularly important for children and teens. “Sleep is active neurological maintenance,” explains Dr. Ozinci. “During deep sleep, the brain processes emotions, consolidates learning, strengthens memory and clears metabolic waste.” A corollary of that? When a child or teen is sleep-deprived, you can tell. “The amygdala, the brain’s emotional smoke detector, becomes overreactive,” she says. “It causes anxiety, irritability, impulsivity, emotional outbursts and difficulty concentrating.”

Working a “digital sunset” into your family’s schedule can do a lot to keep sleep consistent. “About an hour before bedtime,” says Dr. Ozinci, “turn off personal devices and charge them outside the bedroom.” Blue light, given off by phone and computer screens, can suppress melatonin production and sends the brain a confusing message that it’s still daytime, which can keep people awake. The doctor continues: “Replace digital stimulation with signals of safety and rest: a warm bath, reading, meditation or guided imagery. The goal is not to make children tired; it’s to help the brain recognize that it is safe enough to power down.”

• Keep everyone moving. Building time into your family’s day for movement and exercise is also vital, according to our expert. “Movement is one of the most powerful health interventions we have,” she says. “It’s medicine for the brain and body. It floods the brain with endorphins and serotonin, our natural mood stabilizers, while actively burning off excess cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone.”

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) agrees. It recommends that children ages 3 to 5 be active “throughout the day” and ages 6 to 17 be physically active for at least 60 minutes every day. The CDC suggests incorporating physical activity into your family’s daily routine via family walks or games; Dr. Ozinci echoes that idea. “You don’t need to force kids into highly competitive organized sports,” she says. “A spontaneous dance session in the living room, a bike ride, walking the dog, shooting hoops with friends or hiking with family works beautifully.”

• Know signs of stress. The unfortunate truth is that if your child is struggling, he or she likely won’t simply say so. “Stress rarely enters through the front door announcing itself,” says Dr. Ozinci. “It sneaks in disguised as irritability, stomachaches or withdrawal.” It’s important for parents to keep an eye out for changes in mood. Anxiety and depression in young people often look like anger, frustration, emotional reactivity or a sudden loss of interest in activities. “Keep an eye out for subtle changes rather than dramatic declarations,” says the doctor. These can include frequent headaches or stomach aches, self-isolation, declining grades, sleep disturbances and appetite changes.

If you suspect that your child is feeling stressed, your first instinct is likely to take steps to fix it—but Dr. Ozinci offers a caution. “Most adults switch into problem-solving mode right away,” she says. “We offer advice, solutions or logic. But emotional regulation almost always follows emotional validation. Before you correct, connect.” She suggests sitting beside your child and, rather than offering a solution, saying, “It makes sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed.” If anxiety continues to get worse, offering simple tools such as “box breathing” (inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds) or the five-senses grounding technique (naming five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell and one you can taste) is also often effective.

• Give everyone grace. No matter how hard you work to keep yourself, your child and your family on a schedule, it’s inevitable that sometimes your effort will fall short. That’s why occasionally cutting your child some slack—and maybe yourself too—is a necessary part of your arsenal of behaviors. “Give yourself permission to stop chasing perfection,” says Dr. Ozinci. “The goal is not a flawless schedule; it’s a predictable rhythm.”

Adds the doctor: “If the home environment is panicked about the upcoming school year, children will internalize that. What they need most is not just a calm schedule, but calm people. Families that thrive are not the ones that never get off track. They are the ones that know how to bend without breaking and return to the track without panic.”