The Kids Are Alright

Panicked about today’s teens? This year’s BERGEN conversation with 12 rising high school seniors shows them to be thoughtful and articulate—if also, like, a little worried.

OUR FORUM MEMBERS:
Bella Amato, Paramus High School
Isabelle Bertussi, Immaculate Heart Academy
Kaelyn Brisby, Mahwah High School
Autumn Chiu, Northern Highlands Regional High School
Canon Chiu, Northern Highlands Regional High School
Elizabeth Davis, Waldwick High School
Hunter Ditrano, Don Bosco Preparatory High School
Stephanie Lack, Cliffside Park High School
Devin Ryan, New Milford High School
Natalie Spitzer, River Dell High School
Liam Tenenbaum, Tenafly High School
Eva Zazzali, Academy of the Holy Angels

Adolescence is about, like, tentativeness. When teenagers pepper their speech with “like” (with a frequency they’d never use in, like, a paper for English), it’s more than a shared conversational tic. Quite plausibly it’s a verbal nod to tentativeness, a habitual gesture of social humility conceding that the words that follow may not be perfectly chosen, and assuring hearers that any blunt truth that may next pop out of the mouth isn’t intended as a hurtful micro-aggression. It’s just that life is full of, you know, stuff, and some of it is, like, awkward.

Of the 434 original instances of the word “like” in the uncorrected transcript of BERGEN’s seventh high school forum, our editing has left in many (but far from all). That’s because that’s how kids talk. Also, we believe the feeling of tentativeness that commonly interjected syllable implies is part of the story we seek to tell—the story of what’s up with high schoolers today, what’s up with social media and competition and parental pressure and overburdened schedules and sports teams and high[1]powered academics and drugs and cheating and school safety and that constant obsession of high schoolers in any era, the capital-F Future.

Our 12 forum members are no typical cross section; they skew toward class leaders, schoolroom standouts and playing[1]field achievers. They have the good manners you’d expect of such presentable proto-adults, but when you cut through the extraneous words and the polite mutual agreements they don’t let those manners stop them from actually saying things—sometimes bold and surprising ones.

After all, if you were starting out to face the world in its present condition as a high school senior, wouldn’t you feel, like, a little tentative too?

Rita: In the past couple of years, we’ve done our forum on Zoom. Before that we would meet as a group the way we are now. We want to know what is going on in your lives. In our survey, most of you answered that you think social media has a negative impact on your mental health. Can you expand on that?

Autumn: For people who easily fall for fake news or filters or certain aspirations that they think they have to be, that could be really detrimental to them, especially when people have a need to conform or if they’re not realistic.

Isabelle: It definitely has to do a lot with physical appearance. But also, social media is a highlight reel— it’s not everything that’s going on in a person’s life. It makes it really easy to compare what your life looks like—lifestyle, money, status, all these influencers, all these trips—and say, “Well, they have that, but I don’t!”

Canon: When Facebook came out against Myspace, one of the biggest differences for Facebook is that you were able to get a lot of people into your social bubble or, like, block them and let them out. That causes a lot of people to feel excluded. On Instagram or, like, Snapchat or private stories or private reels, you’re going to exclude a lot of people. That creates a general fear that, like, you’re going to miss out on something if you’re not always on social media, which causes a lot of mental health issues.

Natalie: I agree. I think social media is really good in a way—you can share information and learn a lot. They can also have, like, very adverse effects. In my school, there’s rumors and there’s gossip not always good about other people. And sometimes that can spread, really, like wildfire. If the rumors are about you, it’s not good.

Rita: Are there ways you have found to protect yourselves?

Natalie: I think it’s hard, but just staying out of it, honestly, especially on social media. People take screenshots and so if you avoid that, I think that might help.

Rita: Do you agree with Natalie?

Liam: We actually had a virtual epidemic with this app called Fizz. It’s like an online forum where people can post about each other anonymously. I think it started on college campuses, like I think Stanford was the one that created it. Someone brought it to our school for money. And then what happened was, people started posting edited pictures of each other without any repercussions because, you know, the name is not included when you post. So that was a really big problem. Bullying was going on, like it was really, really bad because people added pictures with any sort of captions. So just like anything, social media can evolve to just become more hurtful for other people. So our school’s trying to prosecute the people who are, like, posting negatively. But it’s really hard because they’re anonymous.

Rita: Well, I was going to ask about prosecution. How do you if you don’t know who it is? But there are ways to find out, right?

Liam: My principal was telling me that he was trying to make an undercover account to, like, try to act like a kid to find out who they were. But it’s hard. He made it sound like it didn’t work. Anonymous accounts are really powerful.

Stephanie: It’s easier to limit it when you don’t interact with it. Because the more you do, the more someone can bully you. The bully wants the reaction. So on social media, like I feel like when it comes to like gossip and rumors, if you engage with the person, they’ll feed off the reactions. But if you just have, like, no comment, then you don’t, like, move yourself into it and you limit the way that it spreads.

Bella: About comparisons, I think that’s a really big issue with it now, especially with editing and not just photos—like, even after photos are taken, there’s a lot of editing done. And besides the mental aspect of it, I do think there’s a physical health aspect of it as well, because it can ruin sleep cycles as well. It can turn into physical symptoms.

Rita: Well, so with all of this negativity that I’m hearing from all of you, why are we still engaging in social media?

Isabelle: It’s like our modern dopamine. I mean, once you start, like, you can’t stop, I guess. So also sometimes for me, like, I love Pinterest. Sometimes I use it as inspiration, not just comparison.

Eva: It’s also like the main form of communication. I tried, and for like three months I didn’t have any social media. OK, it was nice. It was also like you kind of feel, like, out of the way.

Rita: OK, that’s fair. One of you mentioned bullying. Do you see bullying?

Liam: [Fizz] made bullying so possible because you could post anonymously. I know it happens—it never happened to me personally. A lot of people talk about cyber bullying, and maybe you don’t realize how present it is, but when they start talking about it in our school, it’s like, “Wow, this is real.” It was happening to a lot of people, and a lot of people were complaining to the administration.

Devin: I feel like what gives a person power is the reaction that they get from it—their friends laughing along with them or, like, the person they’re bullying getting upset. That reaction is what fuels their actions. The more they don’t get a reaction from anybody and it just kind of gets ignored the more they’re like, “I wish I hadn’t done that.”

Kaelyn: I agree. Even when I was little, my parents would always say, “People that bother you just want to get the reaction out of you.” They want that self[1]satisfaction. So once you stop giving it to them, then the bully will kind of just be like, “OK, move on. I want someone else.” If it was super serious, that’s when you would go and talk to your guidance counselor or administration or something.

‘WE DON’T WANT REGRETS’

Rita: Do you all have jobs?

Kaelyn: I did last year, but this year I’m a captain for soccer.

Rita: During the school year, how do you juggle academics, athletics, activities and jobs?

Autumn: I actually don’t have a regular, clock-in job during the school year because I have a lot of different leadership responsibilities within the school. So I’m very involved in the fall, in the winter and in the spring, I don’t do any sport, if you will, but I do clubs. And I actually found that I was doing better in school in the fall, in the winter, because staying extremely busy kind of kept me going. When I find that I have nothing left to do, I kind of gravitate toward like relaxing or going on my phone. If I’m busy, you’re almost like too overwhelmed to even think about that so like you keep going. So, for example, marching band is a huge commitment, especially if you are on the leadership team. The rehearsals are three hours a day, twice a week. And on the weekends it’s like 12-hour days. So when you get home at, like, 10 p.m., you can’t even, like, relax. You just have to do homework. And I found that I did better because I was so focused.

Elizabeth: I say it’s very hard. I play multiple sports and then sometimes I have to go straight to work after, which can be extremely difficult. I can be gone from 8 to 10. That’s not including, like, homework and stuff. So it’s kind of figuring out what your priorities are. A lot of us probably don’t want to have regrets for our high school years, so figuring out, like, what you want to spend your time doing is a big part of high school for me, and probably others too.

Isabelle: I definitely agree. What do you want your high school years to be filled with? I just made, like, the very hard decision to stop playing my sport this year. I’ve been playing soccer since I was 5, and I just figured out this year that it’s not going to work out for my senior year because I have a lot of leadership positions. I called the coach and he was like, “I completely understand.”

Rita: Did you make this decision on your own or did your parents play a role?

Isabelle: It was mostly my decision. My parents fully support me and my decision. They kind of saw it coming, I think. I think I was the last one to figure it out. Kaelyn: To go back to what Autumn was saying before about how when it’s really busy, like, you kind of program yourself to just go, go, go. That’s how I was. I was a tri-sport athlete for my freshman and sophomore years, and especially during the winter season it got really difficult and it really took a strain on my mental health because I was constantly tired. This past year, actually, I stopped playing my winter sport, and I found myself a lot happier because I was able to focus on my social life and school. It was a hard decision because my friends still did the sport.

Rita: And I guess if you start identifying yourself with a sport and it becomes part of who you are, that must be really difficult.

Natalie: I think you have to make a lot of sacrifices and you have to decide, like, what’s most important to you, because you can’t do everything. There’s not enough hours in the day to do it all.

Bella: During the winter season, I go straight from high school basketball to club soccer, and I have basically like an hour and a half in between. I have had two sports overlap. So having an overlap, you kind of have to decide which one. And more recently I found myself choosing soccer just because its potential options for college.

Devin: I’m kind of in the same situation: I wrestle for a club, and I also wrestle for my high school team, and they’re both in the winter. It gets pretty, like, packed with, my schoolwork, wrestling for the team and then wrestling club. I’ll go right after high school, practice, then another practice, and I won’t have that much time to, like, do homework and stuff like that. But it’s worth it to me because I love wrestling.

Hunter: I play football so it’s pretty rigorous all year round. I was at practice this morning. It feels like a job, but it’s my social life. So it’s like I’m there with my friends, then I leave there, stay with them, go to their houses. It’s a lot harder during the school year because I’m out late. With that and school, I’m just trying to find a balance and get sleep and do my work.

Rita: Is there a lot of cheating going on in your school?

Bella: As the students get smarter with AI and ChatGPT; the teachers do as well. That’s kind of a constant back-and-forth. They find, like, a firewall or something to block it or at least to scan it over. And they’re finding new apps and new ways to, no pun intended, turn it in because they have to use these apps such as Turnitin to read our work.

Stephanie: As we get older, usually our classes get harder as well. So, like, cheating becomes just harder for you because if you cheat on something, then you have a test next week and then, like, your grade tanks.

I’m sure a lot of it’s like your grades are like such a priority and you don’t want to see that. So I feel like putting the effort to cheating just ends up being harder for you. But it doesn’t mean that you won’t do it. But like she said, you gotta talk to your friends about it.

Canon: I’ve seen a lot of, like, quid pro quo where people either trade tests, or they trade homework in passing periods because they don’t have enough time to study for those tests. There’s a bio group chat or a math group chat or a friend group chat. And one kid would just, like, spill all the answers to the group chat or post homework in exchange for other homework. I see that happen a lot.

Rita: Oh, wow, so it becomes a commodity.

Natalie: Yeah, and some teachers in the same period will give, like, five different tests.

Liam: It’s also a thing where as soon as you would finish a test, a bunch of people would come up to you and ask you what was on it. I remember my freshman bio class, people would walk out like Hollywood red carpet. Teachers can try to edit questions and stuff, but there’s still advantages to being in later periods. If you’re in a later period of the day after lunch, you’re almost guaranteed you get a heads-up that you’ll have a reading quiz, which was like a luxury. So, during lunch you can read SparkNotes or like, even, watch YouTube to prepare you more.

Rita: So do you all partake in this?

Autumn: I know everybody feels differently about it, but I think a lot of students work so hard since your freshman year, since your first day of school, to build your reputation, to build your rapport with teachers. So at least for me, cheating is not worth it because I would rather fail a test than ruin that reputation. Because, like, building your reputation is kind of like putting little drops in a water bucket. You know, little drop, little drop, little drop. But one mistake, it all goes out. So the cheating thing—I don’t think it’s worth it.

Elizabeth: It’s like you’re putting yourself a couple steps back from your peers. I think, like, the only way to learn is sometimes to do the harder thing, and cheating is the easier way out.

Natalie: If you cheat and you get caught, that teacher will always not trust you. Even if you put in a significant amount of time studying, then you cheat and get caught, then like you just wasted that time. Even if you could have gotten, like, a 75, now there’s a zero.

‘A JOB AI CAN’T REPLACE’

Rita: What do you feel about the future job market, and what kinds of jobs are you thinking about?

Elizabeth: I would like to become like an OB-GYN. The medical field is very “you got to know what you want” if you want to be in it. That puts a lot of pressure to be at certain checkmarks. So even now it’s like you have to make sure you’re caught up so you can be ready for college and med school.

Eva: I’m actually applying to school for musical theater, which is like such a weird like thing. In addition to the college process you have to audition. It’s weird because a lot of people do theater, but I don’t think there’s anyone else going for it. There’s no traditional path to take. Social media is, like, such a big part of it. Any time you have auditions, they always ask for Instagrams, so you always have to keep up with your image in addition to grades and everything. It’s very untraditional.

Natalie: I’m in for classical music performance, like both my parents do. I know that’s not what I’m going to do but as I’m getting closer and closer, like, I kind of realized, “Oh, that means I have to stop.” It’s really stressful because it’s also not a real career path. And I’m grateful that I have my parents because that’s what they did. But it’s also hard to get guidance from outside because most people are not of that world. It’s really stressful.

Rita: So what instrument?

Natalie: Flute

Rita: How beautiful!

Devin: I just think it’s, like, hard to find the career path that you really enjoy doing and you’re going to make enough money to support yourself. I think that’s a big concern—things are getting really expensive nowadays. And it’s hard to decide, like, “OK, am I going to do this job that’s going to make me less money, but I’m not really going to be able to live comfortably? Or am I going to do this job that I’m going to be able to live comfortably, but maybe I’m not going to really enjoy it?”

Rita: So what did you decide?

Devin: I haven’t really made a decision. I’m thinking, like, I would like to be a doctor of some sort because I get to help people and I make enough money to support myself. Isabelle: I think I know I want to start my own business—I’m not sure what kind.

Rita: That’s exciting. So you’re an entrepreneur?

Isabelle: Yeah, exactly. But my dad owns a business, and I figured it’s a lot harder to run a successful business now than it was in the past, because it’s a very saturated market at this point. Like we were all saying, like, there’s no straight path, there’s no yellow brick road, so you kind of have to. There’s nothing like a business, right? There’s a business and there’s a medical brain. Is your brain wired differently? So I think that’s also a big thing with technology. It’s like, I have to pick a job I know AI can’t replace. I can’t see myself in 15 years, because what if I open something that doesn’t go well and isn’t received well by the public?

Kaelyn: For high school students, like, there’s so many decisions that we have to make right now. OK, you’re saying, “What are you going to do with the rest of your life?” Like, decide that, go to college for and study for it, and that’s what you’re stuck with for the rest of your life. Obviously, you can make changes when you go to college, but I think it’s a lot of pressure to put on high school students that are, you know, 17, 18. When people come up to you, they’re like, “You’re a senior—where do you want to go to college? What are you going to do?” Like, that’s the question that I’ve been asked so many times already. There is a pressure to decide what you want to do.

Isabelle: Definitely there’s a lot of external pressure, but once you get asked that question enough times, it’s like, “Is it me?” I start to put a lot of pressure on myself, because I see a lot of peers committing already. And it constantly makes me feel like I’m behind.

Rita: Who are your role models? Influencers, parents, friends, teachers?

Devin: The people I look up to most are my coaches. They have a big impact on my life. Not only did they teach me how to play a sport, but they also teach me a lot of stuff about, like, how I should carry myself, what things I should consider important. Like, they’ve never told me that the most important thing in my high school career is winning a state title. They always preach to do my best, and treating people with respect and kindness.

Rita: Those are good coaches. Hunter, you play football. What about your coaches?

Hunter: I definitely look up to them; some are like father figures to me. I spend, like, my school career with them, all day in the summer, even in the school year a lot of them work as gym teachers. So during lunch they come to our table. I definitely look up to them; they relate to us and they’re always trying to build that connection. They focus on being good people and instill that through football.

Liam: I feel like my role model is my brother. I can relate to him a lot more. My parents are immigrants, and they’re all born in a very different decade than my brother. But my brother’s only a couple years older than me, but kind of does, like, everything just a little bit ahead of what I do. So I feel like whenever I’m struggling with something, he’s the first person I would turn to.

Rita: And there’s no jealousy? He’s taking the path ahead of you and telling you what’s ahead?

Liam: I feel like he definitely wants to give me advice. He’s always trying to help me out and he’s like, “Yeah, when I went through something, I don’t want you to go through the same thing. I want you to, like, know enough so that you can do it the right way the first time.” I appreciate that.

Rita: What a good brother!

Bella: I do agree it’s easier to have someone closer to your age. For me, it’s been like older teammates, older friends who have just gone through what I’ve been through just like a year or two or three before. You can build off almost all their successes and their mistakes.

Rita: Are there attributes or character traits of these people other than telling you what’s coming?

Natalie: I would say I look up to my sister a lot. We’re twins, actually. We’re so different. It’s like we’re totally opposites, but she’s so driven, and she has a lot of integrity. She’s doing the same as me, but she’s putting everything into it.

Autumn: It’s kind of embarrassing, but Canon is a huge inspiration for me. Like Natalie said, Canon has a lot of integrity, and he’s anxious in the best way. We have five classes together. So sometimes when I hear him waking up at 5 a.m. to study, I’m like, “Oh, my God, I got to study too.” I look up to a lot of people, not because, like, they have the same career I want to go into, or necessarily that they’re the same age, but mostly because of the philosophies they live by. I look up to my family members a lot. I look up to a lot of teachers and administrators in my school, because I see the way that they treat other people.

Isabelle: I come from an all-girls school experience. I think it’s very empowering to see all the girls, their approach on everything they want to do in their lives, and it’s very motivating. Like you were saying how driven everyone is—I think it’s very inspiring. There’s less comparison, more just like they make me want to work hard as well.

FINDING YOUR PASSION

Rita: If you could change one thing about your high school experience, what would it be?

Elizabeth: Coming in as a freshman, I wanted to get involved in everything. I was spending my time with different things where I wasn’t going all in on one thing. I kind of wish I found the things I was passionate about, like the clubs, sooner so I could get more involved.

Rita: That’s interesting, but I guess coming back to what Bella said earlier, if you didn’t expose yourself to those things, you wouldn’t know the thing you were really passionate about, right?

Bella: If I could change one thing about my high school career, I would say putting energy toward things I can control, not the things I can’t control, because, like, studying for my exams, I can control that and I can do that myself.

Liam: There are a lot of different schools—their BERG.0824 BERG.0824 high school forum.indd forum.indd 31 7/16/24 12:05 PM BERGENMAG.COM 32 AUGUST 2024 student sections really had that spirit every sports game. I feel like our student sections are pretty weak, compared to Bosco’s or Highlands. Maybe when we’re really, really good at a certain sports season, people will show up and, like, support their friends. But generally, I just wish there was more of an initiative to get people into the stands and excited for games. Right now, it’s kind of a joke amongst students.

Bella: At our school we’re creating this thing called SALT (Student Athletic Leadership Team) with a person representing sports. They come together and they’re talking about ways to get more, like, equity in sports or more fans to games. So the eighth graders are more involved coming into their freshman year to get to like sports, and sports that don’t feel equal to others are still getting an opportunity to show their best strengths.

Devin: I was just going to agree with Liam. At a small school, it’s really hard sometimes to get students together, and that kind of sucks. As an athlete, one of the best feelings is, like, looking out and seeing people cheering you on. When that’s not there, it’s not a great feeling.

Rita: Do you all feel accepted by your peers?

Isabelle: I’m going to say yes. At any school there’s going to be a level of competitiveness, but I think we preach the idea of sisterhood. Some people may think it’s a problem, and some people might think it’s a façade. But surely you see it every day, like it really like echoes through the halls with girls seeing other girls get success and they, like, raise each other up a lot.

Kaelyn: Freshman year, everyone was trying to figure out where they fit in, who they were going to be friends with. For me, from eighth grade to freshman year and then from freshman year to sophomore year, everything changed. So I think it’s not necessarily about being accepted. I think it’s about finding people that will lift you up and finding your closest friends that are going to always be there for you, and kind of finding the people that you click with and who are supporting you and you’re supporting them. And within that group you will find that level of acceptance. It’s not that you don’t accept others; it’s just everybody in my school especially has, like, a wide range of interests. Certain people are super[1]focused on sports. So you kind of find your people within what your interests are, and then you kind of just stick with those people. And it’s not that there’s not a level of camaraderie throughout the school. But you kind of stick with the people that you’ve become close with.

Stephanie: Everyone has their own set of friends, like you hang around people that you’re comfortable with. For me, from my freshman year to sophomore year, like, I had one group of friends and then the jump between my sophomore year and my junior year was a huge thing.

Rita: So you changed your whole friend circle?

Stephanie: Yeah. I like to be comfortable. I feel like sometimes change is necessary and, like, the people you surround yourself with really takes, like, a big part of who you are and your mental health. And I think the people that I surround myself with now are a lot better. But if you stop caring about the whole school liking you and just find the people who are right, that makes it all the better.

Natalie: Think less about everybody liking you. In my freshman year, I was always thinking about just being judged. And I remember I did band after school and I would always be late to cheer, I’d never tell them why because I’d be embarrassed. Like there’s no reason to be. When I eventually told them, it was no big deal.

Rita: That must have been gratifying.

Natalie: For me, it’s just in your head. I think you’ll realize that people are a lot more accepting than you think. I have my friends, and then my closest group of friends. And they’re not even in all my activities, but I still have that circle and I feel accepted by them.

Rita: Are there cliques?

Eva: You can’t just be focused on everyone liking you. It’s interesting because none of us are in the same shows together but we’re all friends in school. We all come from, like, some very different places. Everywhere you go, there’s a lot of personalities you have to deal with. I personally don’t have experience with people being mean to me, but I think wherever you go there’s going to be mean people.

Isabelle: On the other hand, we’re not, like, holding hands every day singing “Kumbaya,” but obviously everyone has their groups and I think it’s not, like, school-specific. It’s high school. There’s always going to be how everyone thinks about you. You can just control how you deal with it. Obviously, I’m not friends with everyone in my grade.

Rita: But if you go into a lunch period and your friends are taking a makeup exam or whatever and there’s nobody there, do you feel comfortable having lunch with somebody else?

Isabelle: Not school-specific, I just think in high school in general, there’s always some sort of clique problem. But I’ve found like as the years go on, dynamics change, friends change. Like, that happened a few weeks ago while I was in school. My friends were all doing a makeup. I did have lunch with someone else—I did it with another group, and I felt comfortable doing that. But freshman year? I’d go to the library—I wouldn’t do it. So I think it really just comes with maturity.

Rita: So it’s a confidence issue?

Isabelle: Yeah. Like if someone were to come up to me and ask me a favor, and I say of course, the second I go to do it, I’m like, “Oh my gosh, they’re all judging me.” So I think you just have to, over time, build up your confidence.

Autumn: I was going to highlight my high school because I think they’ve done a great job of making it an environment where everybody can feel accepted. So—I’m biracial. When I was little, I definitely felt I was a little out of place. But I know at Highlands, since all four towns merged together, I definitely found a lot of people that were very similar to me. And at Highlands, there was a lot of different opportunities to, like, find people that you could relate to, like there’s like a cultural club at our school for the LGBTQ community, there’s gender-neutral bathrooms or there’s a GSA [gay[1]straight alliance] club. And if you don’t feel like there’s a place where you belong, like, Canon created his own animation club—they gave you opportunities to create your own clubs. It’s very progressive. Going back to acceptance, I’m going to quote The Breakfast Club. At the end of the movie, when all those kids are locked up in detention, they kind of realize that they all have something similar. And I think the beauty of high school is, there’s so many people that I’m friends with now that I would never have expected to be friends with.

‘IT DOESN’T LAST FOREVER’

Rita: I feel I’d be remiss if we didn’t talk a little bit about drugs and alcohol.

Canon: I’ve seen there is, like, a drug scene in our high school. I’ve seen kids go to the bathroom for it. But it’s not like in D.A.R.E. when they always say, “Oh, you’re going to be peer-pressured in high school to do it.” If you’re looking for it, you’ll find it. But if you’re not looking for it, then you’ll never see it in your school.

Elizabeth: I think it’s just so normalized that people don’t understand that there can be problems. People can have a hard time holding each other accountable for it, like setting your foot down or maybe intervening. And the normalization of it kind of contributes to a greater problem.

Stephanie: I agree, but also it comes down to the people you associate yourself with. If you hang with your friends who do that, the peer pressure there is high, and the chances of you ignoring it are super-low. And I’ve actually seen a lot of people who I used to be friends with get sucked into this whole kind of thing. And then if you try to intervene, it becomes this whole thing where it’s like they just want you to have fun, and like, that’s fine. But at the end of the day, are you making this choice? Are they making it for you?

Rita: So, you all are going to be seniors in September. What’s a piece of advice you would give to an underclassman that you wish somebody had given you?

Kaelyn: It’s kind of really basic and cliché, but, like, just take it day by day, step by step. Try to enjoy every moment because, like, tomorrow I’m going to get my senior portrait taken. Like, I feel like I’m still in fifth grade! There’s definitely a lot of highs, a lot of lows of high school. So just learn how to navigate those and take it day by day. Just soak it all in, because it doesn’t last forever

Elizabeth: Don’t dwell on the little things. You can ruin the good moments by dwelling on those little things that, in hindsight, they’re not really going to matter. Like I look back on things from my freshman year that were problems. I wish I just spent more time moving on.

Isabelle: Just try not to care about small things so much, especially about what other people think about you, because, again, you can’t control what they think about you, but you can control what you think about yourself. You’re not going to remember something embarrassing, like, October of freshman year. It’s not going to ruin anything. Like, it’s not the end of the world. Even a bad day still is just 24 hours. You’re going to get through it.

Bella: Take in everything, especially the things you hate. I’m going to miss even the parts that I hated.

Hunter: I’d tell an underclassman to be open to advice. So a lot of people now, they’re very, like, closed off because they think they’re right all the time. Really, a lot of people just need to like step back from themselves and be able to listen when someone tells you something. I think the younger kids have to do a better job of that.

Canon: If you’re a freshman, sophomore, just apply for everything. The most successful people are the ones one who always apply for, like, a job. Usually most of the time if you apply for something, you’ll end up getting it. And I’ve seen a lot of freshmen and sophomores, they hold back because they think they’re not worthy or they’re too shy. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.

Liam: This would be mostly for incoming freshmen: Really try and have people you know and communicate with in all the grades, like upperclassmen. I know when I was first coming in, doing sports or maybe some of my elective classes, those upperclassmen were really, really helpful for a lot of things in high school. I was at graduation for this year’s seniors, and it was an emotional moment because I’m not going to see a lot of them ever again. Like, these people were like very, very helpful.

Natalie: You never know who is going to help you, who you can help because like, I think you stay kind of in a bubble of your own friends—I think it can be kind of limiting. It’s something really important just to branch out in all your relationships, with teachers too. You don’t know how they can help you later.

Devin: Don’t try to be perfect. That’s something that I had to learn. I was always putting pressure on myself for an A-plus, or when I’m wrestling. At the end of the day, you’re going to look back and you’re not really going to have too many of the same feelings about whether you won or lost. It’s more about the people you’re with and the effort you put forward.

Autumn: I’m going to quote Taylor Swift. She says “effortlessness is a myth.” I think underclassmen a lot of times are so focused on how other people see them that they don’t think working hard and going out for things is cool. Going out for leadership as an underclassman is bold and awesome. Making high honor roll’s cool. Winning the state sports title is awesome. So I think, I hope underclassmen, if they read this, take away that working hard is really cool and it’s something that you should put in and strive for.

Isabelle: Don’t take yourself so seriously. Go easy on yourself. You’re still 14 years old. High school may feel like you’re stepping up in the world, and you are in a way, but you’re not going to have everything figured out. Just don’t be so hard on yourself because the mistakes are where you can find those learning experiences.

Rita: When you have time, when you drag yourselves away from your extracurriculars and work and sports and academics, where do you go to hang out with your friends?

Kaelyn: Sometimes we just go to each other’s houses, especially in summer. We go to each other’s pools. But on the way in here, I passed Tice’s Corner. My friends and I actually go there quite a bit.

Autumn: My friends and I go to Masago Sushi in Ridgewood religiously. Like, the waiters know us on a first-name basis.

Stephanie: Most of our hanging out consists of eating; that’s literally it. And the town we live in is pretty small, so we’ll go to the same place. There’s a full variation, like, burgers, tacos. It’s called Sarge’s; it’s a sandwich place, but it’s homey and the guy knows me. Like, he knows my order, and if we don’t show up for a few days, like, he’ll be like, “Oh, we missed you.”

Bella: I 100 percent agree. I feel like we’re always going out to get food. Recently, it’s been more coffee places and Bluestone Lane in Bergen Town Center. And Dairy Queen.

Eva: We go to Wegmans a lot, but honestly we just drive around a lot or go to their houses.

Rita: Do you guys feel safe in school?

Canon: At our high school, we have a police officer who rides a bike in the hallway. Sometimes he wears a kilt.

Isabelle: We have our IDs, the scan and access IDs that let us into the school. And then after homeroom, which ends at 8 a.m., you can only get into the school by passing into the office—they see who you are, and you can walk in. There are scanners into the bathrooms as well. Because a lot of times people get scared of, like, if there was ever a situation, no one can get into the bathroom unless you have an ID.

Bella: We also can’t get into the bathroom unless it’s five minutes into the period. We have to scan our IDs to get into the bathroom. But the first five minutes and the last five minutes, you can’t scan.

Stephanie: At my school, teachers are assigned to the bathrooms.

All: Yeah.

Rita: So does everybody have some kind of police presence, in your school?

Natalie: We have a security guard.

Rita: A security guard who’s armed?

Natalie: I’m actually not sure. I think we’re getting someone who’s an armed guard.

Liam: We have someone called the SRO, student resource officer. But it’s like an actual cop who’s very friendly toward students. We can approach him with any questions.

Rita: So when you imagine your life in the future, you’re out of college, what’s your 10-year plan?

Kaelyn: I’ve always wanted to go far for college because my parents have always been like, “You don’t have to stay in the tri-state area forever.” So last night I was doing my college research with my mom. We were looking in Texas and Alabama and the Carolinas. So if I do end up going to college out there and I fall in love with that out there, I mean, I could see myself kind of staying. But I don’t know, family’s always been really big for me. I have three younger siblings.

Isabelle: I love New York. I definitely want to stay in the Northeast, but also not just on my own. After college, I want to have a good work-life balance. I don’t want to be sucked into either. I want it to be different parts of me that are separated, like I don’t want to have to be at home always checking emails and like “What’s going on at work right now?” And that’s going to be hard if I want to own a business.

Devin: I’m not really sure about what exactly I want to do. I know that I want to travel to places like Italy, Ireland, maybe France.

Autumn: It’s been my dream that I’ll be a candidate for Forbes 30 Under 30. They have a positive influence on others, and there’s a really diverse type of people in there. Like, there’s tech entrepreneurs, but there’s also lawyers and doctors. So I want to have a positive influence on others.

Natalie: I definitely want to be in the city. I’m always there now, so I definitely see myself living there. I hope that I’m around a good support system and a good group of friends.

Rita: Do you think you’ll still be friends with your high school friends 10 years from now?

All: Yes

 

Editor’s note: Special thanks to Kirsten Meehan, Darius Amos and Stephen Vitarbo.